sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
