Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
