Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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