he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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