So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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