Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
