I wish I only lived at night.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
