Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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