never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
