She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
