it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
