i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
