Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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