her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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