chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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