You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
