Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
