Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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