I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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