hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
