I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
