38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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