I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
