I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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