She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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