we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
