I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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