What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
