and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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