You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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