Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
