It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
