he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
