I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
