Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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