Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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