I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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