How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
