Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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