i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
