I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
