If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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