sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
