I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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