that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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