He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
