You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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