Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
