do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
