So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
