I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
